ah yes, back to my blog...

allot happened to me the last few months,
now sit back and read my story.


this happened a few weeks after the last post,

my depression was getting worse, i tried to fight against it but slowly i saw it was only getting worse, this was NOT what i wanted...

the next deep depression was the worst depression i ever had and i didn't wanted to life like this anymore, i wanted to kill myself, and almost did.
if my mom didn't come home for me i was not here anymore.

i was send to a mental hospital called "Triversum" it wasn't a bad place to go, people where (most of the time) fun to hang with.

after a week at the emergency spot i was send to the observation spot, where i needed to be for 11 weeks, there they helped me back up and gave me hope.
it was real fun there.

at week 9 they talked with me about the future, they said i could go on there and train myself to life a 'normal' live, i agreed.
sadly there is a waiting list for that and they think i need to wait for 3 months...

The End


so thats is what happened to me, i hope you understand.
il be posting more frequently from now on.


~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment~)

k, i need a break...

the lack of motivation has put me into the mood of taking a break...
the main reason is that get max 1 visitor a week now...

im gona spend my break usefully by thinking of ways to promote this blog.
if you got some idea's or want to promote, leave a comment!


and this means not farewell, but i just dont find it nessisery to post here 1-2 time a week for just 1 person...



~jeroen schindeler
(comment if you got idea's or wana promote)

sorry that i didnt post for a short time, im depressed and sick...
im sick now for almost 2 weeks, and hell is it boring...
school is more fun than this and i dont say that fast!

to kill the time i started to download anime and jpop more actively (for people that dont know what jpop is, Google it)
download speed is horribly slow but i got time...

im also thinking to get to know the readers of this blog better, the shoutbox is nice but... i need something better... any idea's?


~Jeroen Schindeler
(comment please!)

getting up on 06:30 is hard...

nothing really happened last week, at school they talked about the classes and the exam...
and today i have another short day at school, just a small 4 hours

the lack of topics to talk about is irritating me...
so i update this later this day

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lol, forgot to edit this yesterday... sorry!

got in a fight with my mom (words only) cuz she thinks she knows everything about me... which she absolutely dont...
after that i had locked myself up in my in room cuz i was not in the mood to see her again that day...
at dinner time i HAD to come cuz i need to eat too...
we discussed the fact that i want to life on myself from this day on
and we now are working on it

that was yesterday, a day full of suck



~Jeroen Schindeler
(comment please)

ah yes, school...

so that started too for me, first i thought "piece of cake, i will be free soon..." but now i had my first day i remember how shitty school was...
I WANT MY VACATION BACK, DAMMIT!

this year will be my exam year, and that means 9 months following lessons, exam and im done with school!!!

my workless days will end soon too, i maybe get a part-time job @ the local store here, time to earn some cash~!
im gona start saving for a scooter... cuz i need speed (and im just lazy)



~Jeroen Schindeler
(comment please)

sorry that i didnt post here for a while, i just was a bit to lazy for it... thats where vacation is for anyway...


speaking of vacation, ITS ALMOST OVER DAMMIT!
i have 5 days of lazyness before my exam year begins...
damn, its gona be a year full of study and homework...

i see that the visitor counter slowly stopped increasing, thats bad
maybe after a week im going to post here regularly again

and not much happened after my birthday so nothing to say here
so that means this is already the end of my post today



~Jeroen schindeler
(comment please~ <3)

yay~ its my birthday!

im finally 17!!! an i already got awesome gifts!
i will list them :P

what i have so far...
- webcam
- better subwoofer for my laptop
- 20,- euro
- DVD station
(and still more is coming!)

we also have a new cat, called Peter
Peter is a Europian Shorthair and very playful
we got it from a pound near here

also, my vacation on Texel has ended (sadly)
wish i still was there...

dont forget to watch my pictures!
goldrage on deviantART



~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment)

texel does has internet!
that means i can still life my normal live!
yay~

and i got a new camera!
so i packed my bag and walked around the island...
it wasnt a big tour cuz it suddenly began to rain, so i was forced to rush back home

if your interested in my pictures you can go to here



~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment)

im going on vacation today... that means im not online for two weeks...

i cannot make this a big post either, cuz i get to go in like 45 minutes!!!
(i kinda overslept cuz i had to wake up 3 hours earlier...)

now i must pack my bags so.... cya!



~Jeroen Schindeler
(i cannot reply to your comment for 2 weeks, but still comment!)

its hot... like hell...

i finally got Guitar Hero 3 for the Wii!
played and owned easy, so starting up in medium...

my cat died recently, and im damn sad about it
she was an old cat of 18, named Doerak
didnt hurt a fly, even if she could (cuz she was kinda a very simple minded cat)



~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment)

k... vacation started bad...

first there was boredom, followed by more boredom and i guess there is lots of boredom coming the next few days...

today i had an idea to break away from that endless cycle of B-dom... but failed... what was my plan?
i wanted to buy Guitar Hero 3 for the Wii today but non of the stores that sold them had them... cuz game transport sucks...

so i brought a game for the Nintendo DS, also fail... cover looked great, details on back to, so i brought it and played... then came to the conclusion that the game was extremely hard and had almost no story...

also brought a Xvid converter... now i can finally watch more anime in quality and style...

that makes it all an expensive start of my vacation days! and still many thing that im gona buy...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
its now a day later, slept very badly cuz some fly's kept me awake... im also thinking of returning the DS game, instead of just playing it (that was my first plan)
that means i have to get on my bike and go like 10km for being 10 min in a store and then 10km back... all what i do for a small little game... and yes, its worth the ride, cuz my current DS game sucks like hell...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAST EDIT:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
today went better that expected, game returned for a good one, The End...




~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment)

lol, short absence and many things happened....

first is that i had to increase my amount of my pills, i have 10 and had to go to 20mg... but it failed....
cuz:
A. i didnt really function with 20mg
B. i was allergic to 20mg

so im back to 10mg again and i feel great!
so now im myself again and got a cold....


today my laptop almost died but with tons of patient and good luck i managed to fix it

and lol, i have 200+ visits in such a short time... luck IS on my side this week





~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment)

yay~ to my new pills that keep me happy!


yes, i finally got some new pills and they work like crazy!
im happy, motivated and filled with energy!
to bad i got sick...

and lol, i got a letter from Dienstplicht!
asking me if i want to join the army... hell no!
working hard to defend my ass outside my cave, dont sounds very attractive to me...
il just stay here and be lazy!

and to be clear to all here, im back and gona post here more again!



~Jeroen Schindeler
(please comment again)

you wont see me much the next days or so...
im super depressed and the thoughts of killing myself to get rid of this crappy life have already been in mind.
not that i want to kill myself but im continually think about it, cant realy help it

why im posting this is cuz i want to share my feelings with the world,
thats it




~jeroen schindeler

w00t! downloaded a couple of songs and hell they rock....

yes, i became super lifeless for a short while and used Limewire to download 30 tracks of dragonforce!
lucky for you guys i uploaded for a friend and will also post it here!

- Dragonforce download!

(after the next post is placed this link will move to a special spot @ my blog)


today was my first day @ school after the (to short) vacation!
IT WAS FREAKIN HOT!!! and not the usual hot, but the "to hot to enjoy" hot...
so that kinda sucked...

i might gona get a new tv (my current remoteless thing is from the stone age or something...)
just for €15,- i can get an almost not used tv WITH a remote!

and its only getting better and better cuz today or tomorrow i will get my 500GB EHD!!! (external hard drive)
and i only have to pay €25,50~

next time i will tell how this ends...



~jeroen schindeler

lol, i kinda promised that i post here today...

yesterday i was @ amsterdam! watched the movie ''meet the spartans'' and i seriously lold about it...
i was the last person that left the cinema and you could see those people that work there thinking 'hurry up! i want to go home!!!'
so i decided to walk out SLOWLY

and yes, you can guess it, i was playing grand chase (ANOTHER mmorpg that im playing an being addicted to) non-stop to so nothing to tell here again... SORRY!!!!



~jeroen schindeler
(comment like ©®@ZY)

OMG!!!! more then 100 pageviews!!!
i need to make a simple art to celebrate this small event... maybe later
(seriously, i didnt thought that this would been read!)

im gona download some more mmorpg's cuz i need small breaks between the games...
if you (yes you) got some low req. mmorpg's laying around that are fun to play, PLEASE COMMENT!!!!
or be a lazy ass and say it in the shoutbox.... (that's what i would do)



[celebration art goes here, someday]


~Jeroen Schindeler

LOOK!
A SHOUTBOX! NOW USE IT»»»»»»»»

w00t to my new addiction! FLYFF!!!!
im playing non-stop flyff now cuz it RULEZ, and it is playable on my laptop and that is a small miracle.

today was 'koninginendag' and i didnt pay any attention to it... (normal people goes on the street selling there crap and buying others)

nothing realy to place here cuz i dont do anything besides flyff, eating and sleeping so...
MAKE USE OF THAT FREAKIN SHOUTBOX I PUT HERE!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT:
my fucking hd died so im SUPER PISSED right now...
all my shit and stuff was on that stupid thing so... tomorrow i must go to a store to get professional help with that piece of crap and hope to restore as much as possible...


~Jeroen Schindeler
(comment not needed, im pissed)

im cured!

yes, im not depressed anymore!

anyway, some people want me to put a shoutbox on my blog... it will happen! (SOON)
and why soon? cuz im playing a (new) MMORPG!!!!

the mmorpg im playing is called ''Flyff'' and is very easy to play.
its even better than the last mmorpg i was playing! (Endless Online)
better graphics, gameplay, quests... almost everything is better!!!
(i love good games that works on crappy pc's and shitty laptops)

lucky for me its vacation so i can play non-stop for days... (earlier on this blog i told you i got a life, well... forget that part, im lifeless)

now im going to install the shoutbox... i hope...




~Jeroen Schindeler

week 02 / fuck it...

yes, this blog IS getting unpopular...


great... week 02 of my ''full day's to school'' plan SUCKED!!!!
why the title? well... @ tuesday i got depressed.... and still are...
so nothing really happened this week.

im a bit lucky cuz today and tomorrow (friday) i got free from school cuz im just to depressed to do anything ''useful'', not that i did any thing useful there but

i hope this blog start to get a bit more popular, cuz it kinda demotivates me if i write all this for just 3-4 people...




~jeroen schindeler
(COMMENT ***DAMMIT!!!)